Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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