i think my tv is drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
