Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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