Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
