I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
