his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
