I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
