he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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