yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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