Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
