Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont even know how to be here
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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