"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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