Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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