this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Mom said you looked used
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
