The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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