Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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