shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
