I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
