Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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