well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
