THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
