She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
