mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize