And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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