I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
