I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
