I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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