She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He passed out mid-signature
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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