I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
