i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
