I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
