Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
