the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
