The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
