i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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