i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
