naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
