it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
