I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
