My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
