my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
