Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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