Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
