You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
