i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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