Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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