4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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