took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
