he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
