worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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