Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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