Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He passed out mid-signature
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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