I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
