ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
