Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
