Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
